Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Ryan Martin is the Anti-Christ!

You may think I’m a little exaggerated in my depiction of this man, but don’t be so quick to judge me. Instead, be quick to judge RYAN MARTIN. Let me paint you a picture!
Here’s what I know about Ryan. He works with me, he drives a Volvo (douchbag right?) ((huh, douchbag didn’t come up in my spell checker, funny)) and he is a huge SeaHawks fan. I know what you’re thinking, I don’t know much… neither here nor there.
We are having a Biggest Loser Contest at work (not personality), and we are currently at our half way point. The winner get’s $200, there was a $20 buy in, and we are tallying percentage lost, not pounds lost. So He, whose name should not be spoken, is currently mopping the floor with the competition. He’s at like 8% lost, and we still have 3.5 weeks to go!! His strategy is an honest one. He’s doing the South Beach Diet, and actually exercising! UGH I KNOW!!!!
So the real reason Ryan Martin has earned the title of Anti-Christ is because he is winning and I AM NOT!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My Best Friend, let’s call her Kim

Not only did she marry one of, if not thee most efficient UPS men at their April Nuptials in the Vast Metropolis that is Lynden WA. She single handily planned the entire wedding. If the Lynden Tribune had a society page, she would grace its cover 9 times out of ten. She would be the Paris Hilton of Whatcom County, but with morals, and friends, and less animals.
Her April wedding was nothing short of a story book affair. When asked to be her Maid of Honor (I know you were all wondering when this story was going to come around and be about me) I was not only thrilled beyond all get out, but I was also very expectant. You see she already promised me the position WAY before she had the groom lined up. She claims I received the invite to the position because she didn’t want her Maid of Honor to outshine her. I claim that I got the position because I’m very compliant, and willing to do WHAT EVER it takes for a tiny sliver of the lime light (maid of honor toast, standing right next to the bride and groom during the ENTIRE ceremony, and all the PICTURES, I mean forget about it) Well, that and our 20 year friendship aside.
I was a little anxious to see ol Bridezilla come out and play during the year of their engagement. But to my surprise, she never came out. I was politely asked (read: DEMANDED) to send her a daily e-mail for the two weeks leading up the event, capturing in graphic detail, how amazing she is. Always up for the challenge, I conceded. Not only did it totally Blow her Mind with my complements, and praises, and went above and beyond her expectations. I’ve always been an over achiever (not even a little bit true).
This year Kim is the Chair-person of our celebrity status Relay for Life Cancer walk in Lynden. She’s a new wife, veteran mom, and full time Insurance peddler extraordinaire. She my moral voice of reason, my mom when I’m being stupid and stubborn (that never happens) and my back up baby sitter. She’s my sounding board for all the rants about the stupid things my boyfriend and son do (always happens), she’s quick to point and laugh when I fall flat on my face both figuratively and literally, but also the first to help me up. Needless to say, she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I thank God for her every single day.


So, me and my 6-year-old are driving in the car, on our way to Day Care listening to a not-so-local radio station. Being the Commitment-Phobe that I am, I'm not overly Loyal to any station, or genra of music. The Morning DJ and his co-horts are in the process of discussing testicles. Not super surprising given the ethical content of most morning radio shows. The mom in me is battling the curious Young (27 is still young) -mind-always-in-the-gutter alter ego as to whether I should turn the station, or turn it up in order to hear the outcome. When from the back seat I hear
"Yeah" --Oh holy shit, Did he hear the word Testicle? I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what that word means. But if the DJ had said " Nuts" or "Balls" He'd be in fit of Hysterics thinking about "those things under my PP"
"That guy on the radio is crazy!"
stifling laughter "Oh yeah? Why do you say that?"
"He said Testicle! I think he meant Tentacle."
Oh, my animal loving 6-year-old is so innocent.=)